stinkin' thinkin'

I got up around 8am today. I took care of the dogs and got ready to go out for my walk. I was more than happy to go walking because I was looking forward to hearing James Woods read more of 'Secret Window, Secret Garden'. It's a lot warmer out this morning than it was yesterday morning. So I rolled up my sleeves and proceeded to walk and listen. Again, I felt like I had walked a bit faster, keeping pace with the story. My shoulders didn't hurt near as much as the were hurting before. Listening to this story while walking has turned out to be a positive thing for me. I walked my normal mile+ and now I'm taking a break before I jump in the shower.

Today is Wednesday - Anti-Procrastination Day (APD). I'll have to muster up all that is within me to not procrastinate about taking a shower today. I also want to spend 15 minutes in each of the office and the guest room, doing a bit of decluttering. I've been putting that off and today would be a good day to get to it. There's not much to be done really. It just always seems like there is more than there is. I'll feel better once I get it done.

I was thinking this morning about how I rate each day (good or bad) depending on what I have done that day. The more I get done, the better the day. The less I get done, the worse the day. I don't think it should be like that. I don't want to be happy just sitting around all the time and watching the house fall apart around me, but I also don't want to have to be 'doing' all the time just to have a positive day. How many times have I said, "It's been a good day. I got a lot done". Too many times! Or 'I had a bad day today. I didn't get much done'. My level of 'accomplishment' shouldn't be so tied in to how I feel about myself and my day. I know that I do have 'good' days when I don't get much done. Or do I? Isn't there some guilt lurking in the background, creeping up into my conscious mind, asking me how I can feel good when there is still laundry in the dryer or dirty dishes on the counter. And do I ever really feel 'good'? Isn't there a part of me that thinks it's all an act. That I'm not capable, deserving of feeling good. This is what marla calls 'stinkin' thinkin''.

The timer just went off, so it's time to go jump in the shower. I'll get back to this later.