My Mind: and welcome to it

I wonder if I looked back over the last two weeks of blogging if I could see my mind slowing slipping away. I'm sure that I could. I should have known something was up when I started having trouble typing. I was making a lot of mistakes, like I was just a bit off. There were signs. But they were so subtle that even I couldn't see them. Not until they were the size of a billboard. Though I'm back on track, my pace is slow. It takes a while to get back to whatever normal is for me. But at least I'm on my way.

I went out for my walk this morning. I took it easy. My pace was slower than usual. But it felt good to be out there doing something productive. I listened to more of the 'Secret Window, Secret Garden' book on tape. I didn't know if I'd like having James Woods reading it, but I do. He is an excellent story teller.

Yesterday when I wrote that I would 'be kind to myself' I knew exactly what i meant by that. I was going to eat junk food. That's how I would be kind to myself. That's how I would deal with the stress. So I did eat some junk food. I had a cheesesteak and fries from Trivelli's, a Hawaiin Punch (loaded with sugar!) and part of a king size chocolate bar. Not the really big one, just the one that is like having 1 1/2 - 2 candy bars. I felt like I 'needed' chocolate. What I really needed was comforting. I don't know that I know how to get that without turning to food. The food did take away some of the stress for a time, but that's the thing about not dealing with the feeling itself, it always comes back. Not only that but I actually got a stomach ache from eating that junk. But I didn't let it put me in a spiral out of control. I got up and went out for my walk this morning and I'll have my smoothie for breakfast. And I'm still going to go over to Lisa's for scone day. I'm not going to punish myself for having a bad day.

I need to take it slow and easy today. It's not a day to push myself to get stuff done. I'll do my usual routine as much as I am able to. I will jump in where I am. I will remind myself that I am not behind.

I thought about deleting this blog last night. Get rid of the evidence of a mind slipping away. But that wouldn't change anything. And maybe I'll find out that I'm not the only one who goes through this type of momentary madness. lol I'm sure other people have times when they feel that they are not quite so steady on their feet and it wouldn't take much to tip them over. I'm just silly enough to document a time like that.

Well, all this blogging is great, but I know it's just a way to help me procrastinate about taking my morning shower. I'd rather just sit here and veg. But I am going over to Lisa's today so I need to get the shower over with. And I know that if I can get a few things from my routine done that I'll feel better. So, off I go.