I messed up

I called David a little while ago to tell him that I'm not having a good day. And I know why I'm not having a good day. I should I say days. I haven't been taking my medicine for weeks now. I have some, I just started feeling like I won't be able to afford all my medicine so I needed to stop taking it. I wanted to see if I could be okay doing without it. I always think that I'll be okay with out it. And I am for a few days or weeks but then it all goes down hill fast. That's where I am today. Down hill. I'm questioning everything. Nothing seems right. I can't get on track. I hate being dependent on the medicine, but I don't like feeling like this either. So I went ahead and took my medicine today. It will take days or more for me to start feeling better. I need to cut myself some slack until I do feel better. Today has been chaotic to me because my thoughts are racing and I can't focus. I feel like I messed up again. How many times am I going to do this to myself? LOL I'm laughing because I know this. I've been here before. But it's okay. I'll be kind to myself and take care of myself until I get past this (again).