Sleep

I forgot to look at the DR forum while I was at the library. I’m frustrated tonight because it’s Friday night and I don’t have internet access. I’ll watch the DR show on FBN at 6pm (in about 5 minutes) then I’ll watch “Ghost Whisperer” at 7pm. After that, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll probably call Lynn and talk to her for a while. I’m so mad that Qwest is going to take until Wednesday to get it up and running. DR is on now so I’ll write more later.

I’m already tired and it’s only quarter past six. I think I’ll end up in bed early tonight. It really stinks that I don’t have internet. I know I keep harping on that but it’s really bugging me tonight. I checked with the library to see if they were open late tonight but they closed at 6pm. They open at 10am tomorrow. I guess I’ll try to go over in the morning.

I didn’t get my walk in today. I don’t feel bad about it though because it’s not a bad thing to take a day off. I’m hoping to get out there tomorrow morning. Sunday it’s supposed to snow so I don’t think I’ll be walking that morning. Again, it’s okay because I could do with a day or two off this week. I’m starting to feel a bit sore and I don’t want to over do.

I didn’t go over to Lisa’s this afternoon because I had a headache. It’s gone now. Yay! But I’m still really tired from not sleeping too well last night. I was so anxious about that meeting and it turned out to only last about 15 minutes. Oh well.

11:20 p.m. I went to bed before 9pm but I just woke up from a bad dream. I think it has something to do with tonight’s episode of “Ghost Whisperer”. It wasn’t scary because of the ghosts. It was creepy because the main character had been stalking a girl and was now stalking Melinda. That’s creepier to me than ghosts ever would be. I’m really not sure why it bothered me so much, but it did. Thankfully, David was home and there to hug me. I still feel upset though. I feel like I want to throw up. It’s not a pleasant feeling. I’d like to go back to bed but I’m afraid that I’ll start dreaming again. I’d rather stay up for a bit and get it out of my system.

Unfortunately David is watching a creepy old Lon Chaney movie. The music is very creepy. It’s not helping me to feel any better.

The dogs are out in the living room, on the couch. They won’t go to bed until I go back to bed. They are loyal dogs.

Maybe I just ate too much tonight. I spent half my grocery budget at the store earlier and too much of it was on impulse buys. Now I have $30 left for the rest of the week. I’m going to have to make it stretch. Anyway, I bought ice cream (two types of Skinny Cow) and had one of each. I think the stress got to me today and I ended up eating things I shouldn’t have eaten and buying things that I did not need to buy. I’m feeling bad about the impulse shopping and eating. I usually do better than that but tonight I was stressed and didn’t have the internet to take my mind off of things, so I ate. Not a good plan. I have to budget my food intake like we’re budgeting money. I can’t have it all at one time – money or food. That’s why we wrote down a budget – so we wouldn’t over spend. I need to do the same thing with food – so I won’t over eat.

I don’t know. I just feel weird tonight. Maybe it’s because I’m running out of my medicine and not taking the doses I need to take. I won’t be able to get my medicine for a while, at least not all of it. I guess I should get the stuff I really need now and get the rest of it later. I’ll have to see what’s in the budget and figure out what I can order. I’ll have to wait until I go to the library so I can go online and check out the cost of each medicine at the CareMark site. If I can just get my psych drugs, I’ll feel a whole lot better. I still have my anti-inflammatory and my muscle relaxant so I don’t need those immediately. I do however need my psych drugs as soon as possible. I wish I could check out the prices now and order them tonight. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow though.

It’s incredibly frustrating not having the internet at home. I can live without the phone right now because I have it forwarded to the cell phone and we just had our minutes renew again. But living without the internet stinks. Thankfully I figured out that I could ‘blog’ in Word and then copy it over to my blog when I get online. I need some kind of outlet and this is it.

I took that timed typing test. I received a score of 39 words per minute with 100% accuracy. I know I can type faster than 39wpm but I was nervous and was typing slow. I want to go to that site again and try a longer timed test and see how I do.

I was thinking about the Mardel job I applied for online (a department clerk). It would be so cool to get the job. It’s only about 2 miles from the house and it’s part time. I’m sure it doesn’t pay great but I could put in some hours and make some extra money that could go to the BEF and then the debt snowball. I also applied for that teller job. Since I don’t have any teller experience I don’t expect them to have much interest in me. I’m also not sure what effect not working the last seven years will have on my ability to get a job. I was honest too and said that I left work to go on disability. They might not want to hire me because of that either. But I have the PPWFC stuff (skills certificate, voc rehab) that could help me in the long run to get a job. I just have to be patient. I’m so used to getting a job whenever I apply for it that it’s weird for me to have to think of being rejected for a job. I have to face that it might take a while to get something. I might be in luck though because the holidays are coming up and a lot of places will be hiring for the holidays. Hopefully, if nothing else, I could get something working through the holidays. That would give me time to get something more permanent. I’ve also thought of applying at temp agencies. I would request to work only part-time positions, not full days. I don’t know that they’d have much work like that but I could look into it.

I’m surprised that David hasn’t been more ‘excited’ about my job search. He’s always trying to get me to work and now that I’m looking into it he’s not saying much. Just applying for jobs is a big deal for me. I’ve come over to the dark side again. lol I know he’s happy that I’m looking for work but I don’t know how he feels about me working part-time and only being able to make a certain amount each month before it affects my benefits. I can earn between whatever I want for the first nine months. If I don’t make over $640 in a month, then that month is not counted toward the 9 month trial work period. Any month that I make over $640 is counted as a TWP month. I have five years to get the 9 months in. I’m sure if I get to work though, that I’ll get the 9 months in pretty quick. I don’t want to work lots of long days though. I’d rather work a bunch of short days that add up. I’ll have to see what I’m offered first. I’m not going to be too picky. I just don’t want to earn over $900 after the 9 month TWP. If I do make over $900, it will affect my benefits. So I have to be careful of what I make per month.

I’m still feeling yucky but it’s better than it was. Getting my mind off of it has helped. And that creepy show that David was watching is over. Thank goodness. That music was getting to me.

I think I’ll wait to go back to bed. I’ll wait until David goes to bed. I don’t want to go to bed alone. I don’t really want to be up all night either though. David often stays up late after hockey games to unwind.

Gosh, I wish I could get online. I’d love to check out the DR forum. I miss seeing what’s going on there daily. I guess I was online a lot more than I should have been and the internet was taken away to slow me down some. I know I can’t get along without it though. Well, I don’t have to have minute by minute access to it anyway. I’m definitely addicted though because I have an emotional reaction to not having the internet available to me. At least I’m addicted to positive sites like the DR forum.

It’s officially Saturday now. It’s 12:20 a.m. The Red Sox play Cleveland tonight in game 6. The Sox need to win or they are out of the playoffs. If they can win the rest of the games then they would play the Rockies in the World Series. That would be a fun series. It’ll still be fun if it’s the Rockies and the Tribe. David has hockey so he won’t be able to see the game. That kind of stinks. It could be the last game if the Sox lose. But that won’t happen!

Joe Torrie, the Yankees manager, turned down a one year, five million dollar contract to come back next year. Must be nice to be able to turn down five million dollars for one years work. Actually it’s one season, not even a full year. Anyway, it will be weird that he’s not the manager of the Yankees.

Every time there’s a commercial or show they say ‘find us on the web at www blah, blah, blah. It irritates me because I can’t go on the web.

What a bunch of junk there is on TV this time of night. David’s watching his favorite infomercial right now. It’s on a colon cleanser. Yuck! He really believes this stuff can help him. I hate infomercials.

My weight on Thursday as under 250 for the first time in a long time. I’ll go up and down a bit during the week but hopefully at the end of it I’ll still be under 250. I’m excited that I’m steadily losing weight. My pants are so big on me now. I constantly have to pull them up. That’s a good sign. I know I look like I’ve lost weight too. I can see it in my face especially. I still have a long way to go but I’m hopeful now that I can do it. I have to get out there and walk tomorrow though. And I also need to watch what I’m eating. I’m eating too many carbs lately. I need to not turn to food when I’m stressed out. I need to walk instead or blog like I’m doing now.

I think I’ll get up in the morning and go for my walk, then clean the back yard. After that I’ll take my shower and then head to the library if it’s okay with David. Or maybe I’ll wait until later in the day when David is taking his nap. I’ll have to see how that goes. I don’t want to spend hours away from him on the weekend when he’s up and about. I can wait until he takes a nap. Or I could go while he’s mowing the lawn. Not sure if that would be okay with him or not. Like I said, I’ll just have to see how things go.

I look forward to getting to the library though so I can get online. Am I addicted or what? lol I’ll probably spend most of my time on the DR forum. It’s not as much fun to be on there though while I’m at the library. I stay fairly task oriented while I’m at the library. But I don’t really have any tasks to do today so I’ll try to spend some time on the forum. It’s motivating for me to read what others have to say. It’s very informative too. I always learn something when I’m on the DR forum. People are so helpful on there too, very encouraging and supportive.

Well, I think I’m ready to go back to bed even though it looks like David is still going to be up channel surfing for a while. I hope I can get back to sleep.

I was able to get back to sleep. I got up a couple times to go to the bathroom though, so I’m still tired. It’s 6 a.m. It’s cold and windy out. I hope it gets warmer so I can go for my walk this morning. I had a lot of weird dreams last night. I can’t really remember them now but I know they were weird.

Fall has definitely moved in and winter is very close behind it. I dread this kind of weather but I’m going to have to deal with it if I get a job. I saved a pdf file from Barnes & Noble and I filled out their application for employment last night. I’ll mail it out today. I’ve applied at quite a few places already. I don’t want to wait on PPWFC helping me out. They could take a while and I want to get a job as soon as I can. I think I’ll have to really work at getting a job because I’ve been out of work so long and because of being on disability, but if I persevere I can do it.

I’ll probably go back to bed here in a few minutes. I’m still very tired. I’ll have to get the dogs to move out of my space. They always go right for the pillow. lol They make themselves as comfortable as they can. They are funny. A lot of times they’ll wake up and ‘attack’ me with kisses and sneezes. It’s too funny.

I’m going to head back to bed and hopefully get back to sleep quickly. I’ll blog more later.

I was able to get to sleep for a couple of hours. I was up around 7:30am. I went for my walk. I was able to listen to the book on tape I got from the library. I didn’t think about David’s headphones on his little radio. He let me use those this morning. They are kind of like ear buds. I don’t like them as much as my other ones but they did the job. It was hard walking today. Not sure why it was more difficult today than it has been. Maybe taking that day off yesterday didn’t help me much. So I took it easy today. I didn’t push myself. When I got home I relaxed for a few minutes and then I went out into the back yard and cleaned up. David is out there mowing right now. I’ll probably have to go over the yard one more time once the grass is cut. I’ll wait until after that to take my shower. I’m still not sure when I will go to the library today.

I went out and swept the yard for anything I missed on the first outing. There wasn’t too much out there. So I’m done with that now. David’s done mowing too. Glad that’s done.

I was thinking that I should order what medicines I can with what’s left in the bank account. Then next week I could order the rest of it. Mostly I need my Prozac and Trazadone. I’ll have to see what I have left in Wellbutrin. I’m not going to reorder the Abilify. It’s too expensive, $200 for three months worth. I pay that much for ALL of my other prescriptions. It’s expensive because there is no generic. I’ll have to check to see if there’s something I substitute it with.

I have to jump in the shower. If I don’t do it now I’ll never get it done today. Actually I’d like to take a nap right now. lol

The nap won out. I just got up after napping for about an hour. It felt good to take a nap. Still have to get a shower done. I’m thinking of popping over to the library since David is still asleep. Think I’ll go do that after I take a shower. Toodles.