Writing is keeping me sane

10/19/07 It’s almost 1:30am. I can’t sleep again. I had to check the papers for our meeting in eight hours to make sure I have everything that I am supposed to have for the meeting. ~sigh~ I do. I have the two years of income and expenses worksheets that will be needed from Microsoft Money. I also have the time line information in a Word document. I’m sure everything will go okay. I’m just nervous. I need to relax. I want to try to get up early enough to go for my walk in the morning and still have time for a shower and breakfast. I’ll need the energy from the protein smoothie to keep me going during the meeting.

Paulie just came out here and got up behind the TV. Then the dogs came out. So I had to let them out so Paulie could escape. He did. Now the dogs are up. Huxley is wandering around and Blitz just went to bed. Okay, I just heard Huxley go to bed too. Last night while I was up, they kept jumping on and off of the bed. I don’t want them to wake David up. He needs his sleep.

I cleaned the kitchen up last night and unloaded/reloaded the dishwasher. I also remembered to start the dishwasher. So all I have to do is unload it in the morning. I’m still behind on laundry. I have some laundry in the dryer and a load or two in the hamper. I’ll try to get that done tomorrow.

David has hockey this weekend, both Friday and Saturday nights. I miss him when he is gone. I always feel lonely. I think that tomorrow night especially I’ll feel lonely since we will have had our financial meeting earlier in the day. I know that will be emotional and I’ll probably be emotional most of the day. But there is always “Ghost Whisperer” to keep me occupied. lol That’s my favorite show. Last week I missed a bit of it because I was trying to get Vonage up and running. It took me so long to get all that done. Finally had to call Vonage to have someone help me set it up. But it got done. I wish this week that I were setting up our phone and internet connection again. I’m hoping it will just come on when I least expect it to come on.

Well, I’m yawning. That’s a good sign. And it’s just a bit after 1:30am. There’s hope for me getting some more sleep this morning. That’s good.

I just thought that maybe I should bring my bills that I’ve paid and my bills that are still unpaid to the meeting tomorrow. I’ll also bring copies of the last three pay stubs that I didn’t have when I turned the stuff in a little over a week ago. We’ve received at least two more pay stubs since then. I’ll copy the last three just to be safe. I’m so afraid that they are going to want something in the meeting and I won’t have thought to bring it or don’t have it at all. Thought about bringing my laptop just in case I need something that I didn’t think about, but that’s surely not necessary.

It’ll be okay. I just need to relax. Being calm during the meeting will be very important. The finance person may suggest that we sell David’s guns. We’ll do everything we can to keep them though. I think I’m well prepared so I need to just calm down. I’m sure the financial person won’t be near as rough on me as I am on myself.

The meeting is at 10am. We’ll leave the house by 9am though so we’ll have plenty of time to find the place. I believe it’s down by Memorial Park. Can’t be late though. Our attorney will be there for any legal questions. What a convoluted process.

I got my license tags in the mail. I’ll have to get those on the plates in the morning. I think this is the first time that I’ve done it during the month it was due instead of using the 30 day grace period.

I realize that going online is relaxing to me. I can just kind of drift away into what I’m doing and not have to think about everything else. I miss being able to do that at my whim. But I am forever grateful that the library has free wi-fi. I think I would be lost without it. I’d emotionally be a mess if I couldn’t get online at all. Just getting in a few hours each day keeps me going. Like I said, I get my fix. lol

The girls have gone back to bed which means that I’ll have to shove them out of my spot when I go in there.

I was just thinking that I need to see if there is a timed, typing test online that I can take. I’m not sure how fast I am typing these days. I know I have a lot of errors, but I’m not too slow. Wish I could go online to do that right now. I’ll have to wait until I can get to the library again (hopefully later today). Shoot, I forgot to call Lisa and tell her that I won’t be able to make it over there later this afternoon. I’ll have to call her first thing in the morning. I’ll miss going over there. There is no Sunday meeting this week, so there’s nothing to worry about missing. (Does that sentence even make any sense? lol )

Now I’m feeling more awake than I’d like to feel. I really need to get some more sleep before this meeting tomorrow. I’m hoping that with this meeting we will be officially done with the house up in Woodland Park. I don’t know if the 2nd will fight us or not. We’ll have to see. I was looking at the email earlier that I got from Kathy regarding the short sale. I can’t believe they didn’t take the deal. Now they are going to get nothing instead of something. I know I should have pushed them and made them take the offer but I didn’t know enough then to make it happen. I’ve only been Ramsified for a few weeks now. lol

I sure do like having a zero based budget. It’s nice to know that all the money is accounted for. I guess that’s something else I should print out for tomorrow – the latest budget information. I want to be able to show that we don’t have anything left over at the end of the month. I’ve already got November’s budget going so I’ll print that out too. I’m going to go over the budget to make sure it is correct.

I’m glad I looked. I hadn’t updated the budget sheet to show the tithe. Now it’s corrected and shows the tithe and the EF. Every penny is accounted for in this type of budget (zero based). It will be weird having money in the bank but it’s money that already is spoken for since we are setting aside the money to pay for future irregular expenses (life insurance, AD&D insurance and the like).

It’s cold in here this morning. The weather is starting to change. Winter is upon us. I dislike winter. The impending snow makes me have anxiety attacks. That’s the only thing about working is that if the weather is bad, I’ll have a hard time getting myself out the door to go to work. It’s hard for me to believe that I still have PTSD about the car accident and to this day it still effects my freedom to drive. And the depression is still there too. Then of course there are the physical problems that I deal with on a daily basis. My neck, back and shoulder have never been the same since the accident in 1993. The closed head injury I sustained still affects me too. I know that I’ve never been quite the same in my mind since the accident. I have more trouble focusing and remembering things than I did before the accident. I’ve compensated some, but it’s hard to compensate all the time for everything.

I’m sure glad that I’m writing even though I don’t have instant access to my blog. I think I would definitely go nuts if I didn’t have access to writing about what’s going on in my life. I depend on journaling to get through the day. If I keep all these thoughts in my head, then I start to get really depressed. It begins to affect my daily life more than it does now. I’m grateful that I know this about myself and make sure that I do journal as often as I need to journal.

Well, I’m yawning again, so I should probably head back to bed. I hope I can get some sleep now that I know that everything is as ready as it can be for our financial meeting later this morning. It’s less than 8 hours away now. Okay, off to bed I go. I’m sure I’ll be journaling after the meeting to get it all out of my head. See you then.