Woohoo! I got my shower done and it's only a bit after noon time. I feel much better physically and mentally. It's nice to not have that hanging over my head. I also made my daily smoothie from Leanne's recipe. It's yummy! It has protein powder in it which gives me a real boost.
Kyle called. I think he's working on Brad's behalf and trying to talk me into letting Brad come out here if he can get things straightened out in Mass. This is emotional body clutter that I deal with. I feel guilty if I don't let him come out and yet I know that it won't work too well if he does come out. I don't know that he'd be able to get a job very easily and we can't afford another mouth to feed and another person to take care of with our finances where they are right now. I feel like we are his last hope and I would feel terrible having to say no to him. But right now he can't even think about coming out here until he straightens out the mess he's in back in Mass. I certainly am not going to put David and I in jeopardy just to bail Brad out again (and again and again!). At some point he's got to do this on his own and grow up in the process. If I keep fixing things for him, he'll never figure out how to take care of himself. I want to be supportive of him, but I don't know exactly how to do that without bailing him out.
Kyle said Brad looks terrible, like he hasn't showered in days. He also gave him some money so he could get something to eat since he hasn't eaten in days. That breaks my heart to know that he's not able to get just the basic necessities in life day to day. I know I could at least give him that - a place to live, a shower, food and people that love him. It makes it even harder to say no, knowing that he's not doing so well. What am I supposed to do? Tough love? Will that really work with Brad? He's been so depressed and I'm not sure what will put him over the edge. I don't want to be the reason that he does something terrible. This is so hard!
Lisa said that if I were having doubts and considering letting him come out here, that I should call her and she would talk me out of it. She knows we've tried this many times and it just doesn't work out. Brad always ends up gravitating to the same kind of lifestyle and wanting to go home because he's bored here. I'd like to think that he could get a job, get his GED, go to school, make some nice friends and turn things around. But he has no track record for that. This would be the 4th or 5th time he's come out here without a change of heart.
Grace just called me and asked if Kyle called me and what he had to say. I told her that Kyle called and said that Brad thought he might be able to come out here THIS WEEKEND! I told her that as much as I want to help him I just can't do it again. I don't think it's the right thing to do for Brad. Brad has got to get things straightened out in Mass before he even thinks of going anywhere else. He's got to show that he wants to go in a different direction with his life. Grace is going to talk to Kyle and call me back later. Kyle also said he would call me back later.
This is putting a lot of pressure on me. Kyle feels that Brad just can't take care of himself at this point and needs help. Maybe he does, but there is help for him in Mass. His probation officer will help him get things figured out and he can eat, shower and sleep at a shelter. I hate that for him, but it is a workable option. And I don't know how he thinks he's going to get out here this weekend. I certainly don't have the money to fly him out here. I'm broke. Any money I get needs to go to bills, groceries and gas. There's nothing left over. I just can't help him out right now.
I guess I need to talk to Brad and explain things to him. I don't want him getting angry at me or thinking that I don't want to help. I can't help. The best way I can help him right now is to point him in the direction of getting things straightened out in Mass and doing what will work, even if it's something that he really doesn't want to do (like the shelter).
I'm almost in tears here because I want to make things better for him and having him come out here might do that. He was successful out here. But then again he was having success at home until all this stuff happened and he got his head beat in with a baseball bat. I wish I knew the extent of his head injury. Maybe that's making it difficult for him right now. Maybe it's having an effect on him that we can't see. ~sigh~
How am I going to get him to listen to me without hurting his feelings or making him angry? I don't want him to turn away from me. I want to do what I can for him, even if it's very little compared to what I usually do. Will that be enough for him though? I remember when I had my head injury, which wasn't near as bad as his, and I struggled for a long time with emotions and figuring things out. It definitely changed me as a person. And I can't forget about his ADD. It's a pretty severe problem for him. It effects everything he does in life because he can't think things through.
If he would get things behind him in Mass, doing the right thing, if he would agree to go on medication for the ADD, if he would commit to getting a job and giving all of his money to me to handle (so he couldn't get into any trouble) then I might think about letting him come out here. But I'm sure he'd say that he would do whatever I want but once he got out here, he would do what he wants. I just don't want him around because of the foul language he uses. He's not willing to change that either. He just wants to get bailed out without changing anything himself. If he's not willing to help himself, if he's not willing to make some changes, then why should I put myself in the precarious postion of helping him?
I don't know for sure how David feels about all of this. I'm sure he feels like I do: he'd like to help him but he just can't (for lots of reasons).
If only Brad would not only agree to make some changes but to actually make them, then maybe there would be hope for him. But if he just continues down the path he is already on, then there really isn't anything that anyone can do for him.
I know that Kyle means well and is just trying to watch out for Brad. I know he wants the best for Brad. And I know he's not trying to get me to do something that he wouldn't do himself if he could. But I don't know that he truly understands the situation with Brad. Kyle told Grace that he thinks she'd not doing all she can to help Brad. That's gotta hurt Grace's feelings. She's done everything she can to help out Brad. You can only do so much when someone doesn't want to help themself.
I guess this saga will continue for quite some time. I don't want Brad to have to go back to jail, but it that's what it will take to get him back on track then I'm all for it. Winter is coming and he needs to find a place to stay so he's not walking the streets all the time. And he definitely needs a place where he can get consistent meals and showers. And it would be great if he could get medical and mental health care. I'm so worried about him doing something to himself because he's lost all hope.
What can I say to him to give him hope? God told me that regarding Brad it wouldn't look good (and it doesn't) but that He was always there for Brad. Do I think I can be more than God to Brad? I don't think so. I'm really going to have to pray about this and see what I should and shouldn't do. I love Brad as if he were my own. I want the best for him. But I won't do it at the expense of my life or my life with David.
Hopefully Kyle will talk to Brad today and get him to understand that he needs to turn himself in to his probation officer. That's the first thing he needs to do. He can't ask anything of anyone else if he doesn't ask something of himself first.
I pray that I will know that right thing to do for Brad. I pray that Brad will follow the path layed out before him, the path that will bring him success in his life. I pray that Brad will feel loved and be safe. I pray that my relationship with Brad and Brad's relationship with him mom will survive these trying times.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Obstacles
I've gotten off to a pretty good start this morning. Here's what I've done so far:
* got up
* made the bed
* let the dogs out
* fed and watered the dogs
* let the dogs in
* flipped the FlyLady Comfort Zone calendar
* brushed my teeth
* dressed to walk
* got my tape player, relaxation tape and gum to go walking
* went for a mile walk
* rested for 15 minutes; drank 8 oz of water
* gave the dogs their medicine
Routine: I got stuck at taking a shower. I've been sitting here napping off and on for two hours instead of showering and continuing my routine. I seem to have some kind of mental block about taking a shower. I don't know what the obstacle is. I just know that I dread taking a shower. Which is ironic because I love how I feel after I've taken a shower. It really helps me to relax and then get going on the rest of my daily routine. Where does the dread come from? I need to figure out how to make myself take a shower each day as soon as I'm done with my 15 minute break and drinking water after my walk. Instead I wait for hours to shower. I always get it done, but I end up wasting a lot of my day putting off doing it. I know part of the problem is the medicine I take in the morning for my back and neck pain. It makes me very sleepy and unmotivated. I'm not sure that I could walk without taking it, but by the time I get home, I'm more than ready for a nap. I guess I could try to go without it and see how I feel while walking. If I can get through the walk without it, I could get home and get some other things done before I take my meds and get sleepy. It stinks that I need the medicine to get through the day. I guess I could try getting through the day without it and see how I feel.
Body Clutter: I know I'll feel much better after I lose some more body clutter. I'm down about 16 pounds so far. It's coming off slowly. Much slower than I'd like it to come off. But then again, I'm used to losing weight fast (then putting it all back on again!). So losing it slowly is the way to go. It's the healthy way to do it.
Finances: I checked the online account today. I forgot that the dog food was being delivered today. So, I'm in the negative (again! ~sigh~). I get paid tomorrow though so there will be plenty of money in there to cover the negative ($11 or so) and take care of the other bills I have scheduled. I'm still trying to figure out how to use my FlyLady calendar to keep track of the finances instead of using a check book. It's easier if I see it every day instead of it being hidden away in a check book. Out of sight is out of mind for me. I'll get it figured out eventually. I know I can get it to work.
Zone Work: I haven't gotten much zone work done in the past. I'm trying to get it in my routine so it gets done. By looking at the house, I can tell that I'm not getting the zone work done. The floors need to be vacuumed and cleaned. Dusting needs to be done. Counters need to be wiped down. And bathrooms definitely need a good cleaning. I need to get it into my head that I can get this stuff done just working 15 minutes at a time. Zone work is fairly easy and quick, but I just keep putting it off. It's another thing where I have a mental block, where there is an obstacle that I can't see. I think that's why David said the other day that the house is filthy. It's not really filthy, it's just not as clean as it could be. I've seen filthy houses and mine isn't filthy. But it could benefit from some Zone work.
Am I the only one that struggles with these issues? Do other Flybabies have these or other obstacles too? I'm somewhat ashamed to admit all this stuff, but I want to be honest with myself and take responsibility for not only what I do, but for what I don't do too. If you're struggling at all, please leave a comment and let me know what you are struggling with. I sure would like to know I'm not in this alone.
It's 11:20am and I still haven't taken my shower. I'm getting sidetracked with this blog. I'm procrastinating because I don't want to do it. Yesterday I didn't shower until about 2:30pm! Yikes! I can't keep putting it off like that every day. I need to just get in there and get it done. Okay, I'm going to go and do it right now! Go Me!
* got up
* made the bed
* let the dogs out
* fed and watered the dogs
* let the dogs in
* flipped the FlyLady Comfort Zone calendar
* brushed my teeth
* dressed to walk
* got my tape player, relaxation tape and gum to go walking
* went for a mile walk
* rested for 15 minutes; drank 8 oz of water
* gave the dogs their medicine
Routine: I got stuck at taking a shower. I've been sitting here napping off and on for two hours instead of showering and continuing my routine. I seem to have some kind of mental block about taking a shower. I don't know what the obstacle is. I just know that I dread taking a shower. Which is ironic because I love how I feel after I've taken a shower. It really helps me to relax and then get going on the rest of my daily routine. Where does the dread come from? I need to figure out how to make myself take a shower each day as soon as I'm done with my 15 minute break and drinking water after my walk. Instead I wait for hours to shower. I always get it done, but I end up wasting a lot of my day putting off doing it. I know part of the problem is the medicine I take in the morning for my back and neck pain. It makes me very sleepy and unmotivated. I'm not sure that I could walk without taking it, but by the time I get home, I'm more than ready for a nap. I guess I could try to go without it and see how I feel while walking. If I can get through the walk without it, I could get home and get some other things done before I take my meds and get sleepy. It stinks that I need the medicine to get through the day. I guess I could try getting through the day without it and see how I feel.
Body Clutter: I know I'll feel much better after I lose some more body clutter. I'm down about 16 pounds so far. It's coming off slowly. Much slower than I'd like it to come off. But then again, I'm used to losing weight fast (then putting it all back on again!). So losing it slowly is the way to go. It's the healthy way to do it.
Finances: I checked the online account today. I forgot that the dog food was being delivered today. So, I'm in the negative (again! ~sigh~). I get paid tomorrow though so there will be plenty of money in there to cover the negative ($11 or so) and take care of the other bills I have scheduled. I'm still trying to figure out how to use my FlyLady calendar to keep track of the finances instead of using a check book. It's easier if I see it every day instead of it being hidden away in a check book. Out of sight is out of mind for me. I'll get it figured out eventually. I know I can get it to work.
Zone Work: I haven't gotten much zone work done in the past. I'm trying to get it in my routine so it gets done. By looking at the house, I can tell that I'm not getting the zone work done. The floors need to be vacuumed and cleaned. Dusting needs to be done. Counters need to be wiped down. And bathrooms definitely need a good cleaning. I need to get it into my head that I can get this stuff done just working 15 minutes at a time. Zone work is fairly easy and quick, but I just keep putting it off. It's another thing where I have a mental block, where there is an obstacle that I can't see. I think that's why David said the other day that the house is filthy. It's not really filthy, it's just not as clean as it could be. I've seen filthy houses and mine isn't filthy. But it could benefit from some Zone work.
Am I the only one that struggles with these issues? Do other Flybabies have these or other obstacles too? I'm somewhat ashamed to admit all this stuff, but I want to be honest with myself and take responsibility for not only what I do, but for what I don't do too. If you're struggling at all, please leave a comment and let me know what you are struggling with. I sure would like to know I'm not in this alone.
It's 11:20am and I still haven't taken my shower. I'm getting sidetracked with this blog. I'm procrastinating because I don't want to do it. Yesterday I didn't shower until about 2:30pm! Yikes! I can't keep putting it off like that every day. I need to just get in there and get it done. Okay, I'm going to go and do it right now! Go Me!
Monday, September 17, 2007
New bin
I bought a clear plastic filing bin for the finances/mail. It has five slots. I'm using it this way:
* incoming mail/coupons/checkbook/calculator
* things to be done (read, call, fill out, etc.)
* bills to be paid/paid bills/budget
* pay stubs/2007 tax paperwork
* stamps/envelopes/return address labels/note cards/control journal
Here's what it looks like:
It's so much better for me to be able to see what's in there and know that there IS something in there. When I used hanging folders I didn't see what was in there so I sometimes forgot about it. I think this will work better for me.
Daily Routines
I did make a list of what I actually do each day and realized that I already have a daily set of routines. Before I was trying to follow routines that basically I had made up based on other peoples routines. Once I figured out that I really do have a routine, it was much easier to add in some of the things that FlyLady suggests (decluttering for 15 minutes, Zone work, etc.). Here's what my daily routine looks like:
* get up
* let the dogs out
* feed and water the dogs
* let the dogs in
* flip the FlyLady Comfort Zone calendar
* weigh; take meds with water
* dress for walk
* get tape/CD player for walk
* walk 1 mile
* 15 minute break; drink water
* give dogs meds
* shower
* dress to the lace up shoes
* start/reboot laundry
* empty/reload dishwasher
* 15 minute break; breakfast (try to have a smoothie)
* declutter for 15 minutes
* Zone Work
* 5 minute room rescue
* hot spot fire drill
* 15 minute break; drink water; snack
* think about what's for dinner (check Body Clutter Menu Mailer)
* 15 minute break; drink water; lunch
* time for me/pamper mission/nap
* 15 minute break; drink water; dinner
* clean the kitchen; shine the sink
* open/trash/shred mail; go through financial/mail bin
* update blogs, forum
* brush my teeth
* lay out clothes for next day
* take meds with water
* go to bed at a decent hour
I don't have to do every single thing on the list every day. This is just my guideline. I am not going to lock myself in to 'checking off every item on the list'. I'm going to use the list to help me to stay focused.
* get up
* let the dogs out
* feed and water the dogs
* let the dogs in
* flip the FlyLady Comfort Zone calendar
* weigh; take meds with water
* dress for walk
* get tape/CD player for walk
* walk 1 mile
* 15 minute break; drink water
* give dogs meds
* shower
* dress to the lace up shoes
* start/reboot laundry
* empty/reload dishwasher
* 15 minute break; breakfast (try to have a smoothie)
* declutter for 15 minutes
* Zone Work
* 5 minute room rescue
* hot spot fire drill
* 15 minute break; drink water; snack
* think about what's for dinner (check Body Clutter Menu Mailer)
* 15 minute break; drink water; lunch
* time for me/pamper mission/nap
* 15 minute break; drink water; dinner
* clean the kitchen; shine the sink
* open/trash/shred mail; go through financial/mail bin
* update blogs, forum
* brush my teeth
* lay out clothes for next day
* take meds with water
* go to bed at a decent hour
I don't have to do every single thing on the list every day. This is just my guideline. I am not going to lock myself in to 'checking off every item on the list'. I'm going to use the list to help me to stay focused.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Getting things done
I seem to do a lot better at getting things done late in the evening (when I should be going to bed ~lol~). Here's what I've accomplished tonight:
* emptied and reloaded the dishwasher; started the new load of dishes washing
* hung up the clothes that were in the dryer
* rewashed the clothes in the washer; currently they are in the dryer
* cleaned up the kitchen (counters, stove top, etc.)
* shined the sink
* installed the new DVD player with DH
* organized the financial/mail bin
* paid bills; brought finances up to date
* sorted through the plastic containers (tupperware) and filled a trash bag half full with stuff I'm going to donate; I organized the remaining containers
I feel a lot better about starting the day tomorrow because of all I got done tonight. It's so nice to wake up to a clean kitchen. It does make me smile.
Finances: I put the bills to be paid on the calendar, and that will work, but I need to list them differently. I put them on the day that they were due and that makes it too hard to figure out what the balance is each day. So I think what I'll do is put them on the days they are due but also keep track each day of what bills are being paid and what the account balance is. Does that make sense? I think it will work, but I'll have to try it out for a while. I need to see when I can fit in a BCMM shopping trip.
Body Clutter Investigator: I'm going to start using the body clutter investigator tomorrow. I need to see why I'm not losing much more weight. I'm sure it's because I'm not drinking enough water and because I'm eating too many carbs. I also didn't walk much this week. Back on track tomorrow though.
Body Clutter #: my best # this week was 255.4
Here's what the kitchen looks like tonight. Go Me!
And it all starts and ends with a Shiny Sink!
There's always tomorrow
I have really struggled this week to keep up with the house and everything else. I was sidetracked by fatigue, a huge financial project and not feeling well. Routines were anything but. When I look back over the week it's just a blur. I know I did get some things done and it's those things I want to concentrate on. But I do need to be realistic about what didn't get done too.
Accomplishments:
* I walked at least one morning this past week (I can't remember if I got out there other times)
* I got the blender out and made a protein smoothie for breakfast after my walk
* I finished that HUGE financial project
* I took care of myself when I wasn't feeling well
* I took time to visit with friends
* I started laundry
* I got a load of dishes done
As I look around, these are the things that need to be done:
* clean off the counters in the kitchen
* empty and reload the dishwasher
* plan meals, prepare grocery list (Body Clutter Menu Mailer)
* get new, clear plastic finance/mail bin organized
* vacuum
* install new DVD player that the boys sent David for his birthday (it was last month, but we just got the DVD player this week)
* dusting
* bathrooms
* declutter, prettyfythe office and guest room
* finish up the master bedroom (paint trim, hang stuff, make the bed, etc.)
* get the laundry done
* shine the sink
When I look at that list of things to be done, I don't feel overwhelmed because I know that I only need to spend 15 minutes or less on each task and the house will feel better, which means that I'll feel better.
Body Clutter: I haven't been using the BCMM because of finances (haven't been able to go grocery shopping). I need to figure out how I can get that into the plan this week. I also walked at least once this week and I did make a delicious smoothie for breakfast on the one day that I did walk. And I cleaned the blender right after I used it too! (thanks for getting me off my franny Marla and Leanne) I weighed myself a couple times this week. I've gone down a couple of pounds. Go Me! I downloaded the Body Clutter Investigator and put it in my control journal. I'm thinking of making one page for each week instead of a page a day and hanging it on the fridge. I'll have to see if either of those things will work for me. I realize that I'm eating way too many carbs and not enough protein, fruits and veggies. I'll need to change that.
I think my biggest issue is not having routines. I'm just having the darndest time getting into them. I don't have any kind of routine for morning, afternoon or evening. I have a very difficult time keeping on track on the weekends when my DH is home. It's not his fault, it's mine. I know what I would like to do but I just don't do it. A spend a lot of time sitting on my franny, in front of the laptop or watching organization shows on TV. As I told Marla and Leanne this week on the FlyShow - I'm great with preparation, but not so good with the follow through. I also try to do too much at one time. I need to follow the babysteps and just work on one step until it has become routine. I know so many things about the FlyLady lifestyle and I spend a lot of time hopping from one thing to another that I think SHOULD be done to 'comply' with the lifestyle. The pressure comes from me, not from anyone else.
Today my feelings were hurt though because DH said the house was filthy (he was having to deal with some dust on the entertainment system while switching out DVD players). I felt really bad because I've done so much around here and the thing that he comments on is negative. I had been hoping that he'd say something nice about what I had done, but instead he made a negative comment. It hurt. And I think it really bothered me because I feel like the house is a disaster (even though it's really not). The 'truth' hurts.
If I could just do a babystep, some zone work and decluttering each day I think I'd be feeling better about things. Doing 'all' that stuff would only take about 30 minutes a day. But I also don't want how I feel to be tied to what the house looks like or what I've done or not done. I need to stop letting my perfectionism get in the way! I want to do this system perfectly and I know that not only is that NOT possible, I don't need to do it perfectly. I need to stop putting so much on the plate each day. I need to concentrate on the basics. I can't do routines if I don't know the things that are needed to go into the routines. That's why I need to just take babysteps. I'm in some kind of competition and I need to stop doing that.
I feel like I need to start all over again (not that I ever really started in the first place ~lol~) and take it one babystep at a time. Anything else I get done will be gravy but not an obligation. I'm overwhelming myself. I'm trying to keep up with all the stuff I 'need' to do each day, plus update the forum, the colordosprings fly group and this blog now. When will I have time to develop any routines? My mental to-do list just has to be shortened down to just the basics.
'Do it now' really needs to become my mantra. Not that I have to do everything all day long, but that when I think of doing something I should just do it now and get it over with. I'm having trouble seeing what I do as having value or being a blessing (and it doesn't help when DH says he thinks the house is filthy). Does he really think the house is filthy? I hope not. I hope he was just frustrated by the dust on the entertainment center. I'm frustrated with it too. I don't do the weekly home blessing each week, so the dust accumulates.
Another thing I'm having issues with is what day of the week I can schedule things: weekly home blessing, errand day, free day, etc. I want to just do what Marla does but I don't think it works for me. I feel like I'm failing because I'm not doing things in the 'correct order'. Again, no one's fault but mine. My perfectionism is running rampant. I'm not dogging on myself, just dealing with reality. If I don't see things for what they truly are then I'll never have an opportunity to make any changes.
The FlyShow: I've been calling into the FlyShow every week (at Leanne's request) and updating her and Marla on how things are going with my body clutter. They have been extremely gracious and supportive. They've moved to BlogTalkRadio from World Talk Radio. I like BTR better. It's easier to navigate. I feel kind of funny calling in each week, but Leanne has asked me to, so I'm doing that. I know that I won't be calling in every week forever so I'm going to make the best of it while I do have a chance to call in.
SavingDinner.com: I love the look of Leanne's updated site. It also is easier to navigate. And her staff is so incredibly helpful. They get back to me quickly with answers to my questions or comments on my testimonials/thank you's. I'm grateful for the Body Clutter Menu Mailer and hope to start using it consistently. Like most things, I'm good with the prep and not so good with the follow through.
I talked to my sister this week and she has started the FlyLady lifestyle. She's using the Teacher Control Journal, the Student Control Journal, the timer, routines, and she's thinking of getting one of the menu mailers from Leanne. I told her that she needs to send an email to FlyLady and Leanne telling them what a huge impact all of this has had on her. She feels very hopeful and that's what FlyLady is all about: HOPE!
So, I'm not going to get on myself today and make myself get 'everything' done. If I get to things today, that's great if not, that's okay too. There's always tomorrow.
Accomplishments:
* I walked at least one morning this past week (I can't remember if I got out there other times)
* I got the blender out and made a protein smoothie for breakfast after my walk
* I finished that HUGE financial project
* I took care of myself when I wasn't feeling well
* I took time to visit with friends
* I started laundry
* I got a load of dishes done
As I look around, these are the things that need to be done:
* clean off the counters in the kitchen
* empty and reload the dishwasher
* plan meals, prepare grocery list (Body Clutter Menu Mailer)
* get new, clear plastic finance/mail bin organized
* vacuum
* install new DVD player that the boys sent David for his birthday (it was last month, but we just got the DVD player this week)
* dusting
* bathrooms
* declutter, prettyfythe office and guest room
* finish up the master bedroom (paint trim, hang stuff, make the bed, etc.)
* get the laundry done
* shine the sink
When I look at that list of things to be done, I don't feel overwhelmed because I know that I only need to spend 15 minutes or less on each task and the house will feel better, which means that I'll feel better.
Body Clutter: I haven't been using the BCMM because of finances (haven't been able to go grocery shopping). I need to figure out how I can get that into the plan this week. I also walked at least once this week and I did make a delicious smoothie for breakfast on the one day that I did walk. And I cleaned the blender right after I used it too! (thanks for getting me off my franny Marla and Leanne) I weighed myself a couple times this week. I've gone down a couple of pounds. Go Me! I downloaded the Body Clutter Investigator and put it in my control journal. I'm thinking of making one page for each week instead of a page a day and hanging it on the fridge. I'll have to see if either of those things will work for me. I realize that I'm eating way too many carbs and not enough protein, fruits and veggies. I'll need to change that.
I think my biggest issue is not having routines. I'm just having the darndest time getting into them. I don't have any kind of routine for morning, afternoon or evening. I have a very difficult time keeping on track on the weekends when my DH is home. It's not his fault, it's mine. I know what I would like to do but I just don't do it. A spend a lot of time sitting on my franny, in front of the laptop or watching organization shows on TV. As I told Marla and Leanne this week on the FlyShow - I'm great with preparation, but not so good with the follow through. I also try to do too much at one time. I need to follow the babysteps and just work on one step until it has become routine. I know so many things about the FlyLady lifestyle and I spend a lot of time hopping from one thing to another that I think SHOULD be done to 'comply' with the lifestyle. The pressure comes from me, not from anyone else.
Today my feelings were hurt though because DH said the house was filthy (he was having to deal with some dust on the entertainment system while switching out DVD players). I felt really bad because I've done so much around here and the thing that he comments on is negative. I had been hoping that he'd say something nice about what I had done, but instead he made a negative comment. It hurt. And I think it really bothered me because I feel like the house is a disaster (even though it's really not). The 'truth' hurts.
If I could just do a babystep, some zone work and decluttering each day I think I'd be feeling better about things. Doing 'all' that stuff would only take about 30 minutes a day. But I also don't want how I feel to be tied to what the house looks like or what I've done or not done. I need to stop letting my perfectionism get in the way! I want to do this system perfectly and I know that not only is that NOT possible, I don't need to do it perfectly. I need to stop putting so much on the plate each day. I need to concentrate on the basics. I can't do routines if I don't know the things that are needed to go into the routines. That's why I need to just take babysteps. I'm in some kind of competition and I need to stop doing that.
I feel like I need to start all over again (not that I ever really started in the first place ~lol~) and take it one babystep at a time. Anything else I get done will be gravy but not an obligation. I'm overwhelming myself. I'm trying to keep up with all the stuff I 'need' to do each day, plus update the forum, the colordosprings fly group and this blog now. When will I have time to develop any routines? My mental to-do list just has to be shortened down to just the basics.
'Do it now' really needs to become my mantra. Not that I have to do everything all day long, but that when I think of doing something I should just do it now and get it over with. I'm having trouble seeing what I do as having value or being a blessing (and it doesn't help when DH says he thinks the house is filthy). Does he really think the house is filthy? I hope not. I hope he was just frustrated by the dust on the entertainment center. I'm frustrated with it too. I don't do the weekly home blessing each week, so the dust accumulates.
Another thing I'm having issues with is what day of the week I can schedule things: weekly home blessing, errand day, free day, etc. I want to just do what Marla does but I don't think it works for me. I feel like I'm failing because I'm not doing things in the 'correct order'. Again, no one's fault but mine. My perfectionism is running rampant. I'm not dogging on myself, just dealing with reality. If I don't see things for what they truly are then I'll never have an opportunity to make any changes.
The FlyShow: I've been calling into the FlyShow every week (at Leanne's request) and updating her and Marla on how things are going with my body clutter. They have been extremely gracious and supportive. They've moved to BlogTalkRadio from World Talk Radio. I like BTR better. It's easier to navigate. I feel kind of funny calling in each week, but Leanne has asked me to, so I'm doing that. I know that I won't be calling in every week forever so I'm going to make the best of it while I do have a chance to call in.
SavingDinner.com: I love the look of Leanne's updated site. It also is easier to navigate. And her staff is so incredibly helpful. They get back to me quickly with answers to my questions or comments on my testimonials/thank you's. I'm grateful for the Body Clutter Menu Mailer and hope to start using it consistently. Like most things, I'm good with the prep and not so good with the follow through.
I talked to my sister this week and she has started the FlyLady lifestyle. She's using the Teacher Control Journal, the Student Control Journal, the timer, routines, and she's thinking of getting one of the menu mailers from Leanne. I told her that she needs to send an email to FlyLady and Leanne telling them what a huge impact all of this has had on her. She feels very hopeful and that's what FlyLady is all about: HOPE!
So, I'm not going to get on myself today and make myself get 'everything' done. If I get to things today, that's great if not, that's okay too. There's always tomorrow.
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